i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
