not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
These tits shall not be calmed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
