i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
That's how pantless uber rides happen
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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