I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
