I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
