I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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