I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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