So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
