Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
