I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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