Will you blow on my dice?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
