I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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