I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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