i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
two words...techno handjob
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
