I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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