His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
