Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
