I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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