I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
