I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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