If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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