You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
