girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
