Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
