she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
