My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
