I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
