That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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