I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
