come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
