god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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