I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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