a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
