My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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