I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
