these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
