Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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