woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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