After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
