Whod you bang
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
