no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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