I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
