I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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