I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
