My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
