Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize