Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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