If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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