you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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