Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
