i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
