The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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