Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
