Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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