And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
